My bought with Pneumonia was a wake up call. I had to admit that I could do paid job, ministry, Sojourn, and family at the same time. So, I started pulling out of quite a few things. I started learning how to have free time, and not to be very busy all of the time. I started spending much more time with my children so that my wife wasn't responsible for helping with their home work. We even worked it out eventually so that she gets every Wednesday evening off to just go out and do whatever she wants.
It has been a rich and fruitful blessing in my family's and my life, but it was a big sacrifice to give up my dreams of full time ministry. For a variety of reasons, we decided that dropping everything and going to seminary was a bad idea. Never one to just sit quietly and wait for something, I decided that I should pour myself into my career. I could use the tuition reimbursement and get a career related masters degree, earn as much as possible in order to get ready for retirement when I could do full time ministry.
I quit that after about a year, because while I enjoyed it, I felt dishonest the whole time I was doing it. I eventually had to admit, that my heart was not in the pharmaceutical industry or any other industry. What I really wanted to do was to serve in ministry with my life. Not just a couple of hours per week.
I wish I could say that I came to a place of quiet waiting in which I was happy to wait for God's perfect timing. God is tempering my action orientation with patience and greater forthought, but I have a long way to go. I had a lot of frustration. The difference for me at this point in life was that I was submitting to God. I remember when I used to be so angry that God wasn't giving me what I thought I was supposed to have or sending me where I thought He wanted me to go. About three years ago, I was finally at the place that I could honestly say, "God, I want to be what you want me to be. I'll go anywhere, do anything, be anything, give up anything. I'll even stay right where I am, and keep doing what I'm doing as long as you want me to."
That was a hard concession to make to the Lord, but I meant it when I said it. In fact, that is how I see God's special calling on my life: sacrifice. Philippians 2:6&7 talks about Christ being willing to "make himself nothing" in order to be born as a baby. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice when He willingly went to the cross, becoming sin for me so that I could be credited with His righteousness.
Even so, His sacrifice started the when he set aside His glory and great power in order to live life in human flesh. Yes, Hebrews 12:2 speaks of "the joy" set before Christ. I think that I have begun to discover this mystery. As I relinquish things, people, plans, etc to God, I open the way in my life for joy and freedom.
Think about it. Last August Sojourn performed what will likely be it's last public conert for along time. It's possible that Sojourn may never be able to regroup for a regular show. I've been in Sojourn nearly as long as I've been married. If Marge and I are so favored to be appointed as ABWE missionaries, then I am signing away my right to earn an income, get fat raises, and paid business trips. Instead, I must humble myself and be supported by fellow believers. We are putting our house up for sale, and have no guarantee if we will have the opportunity to own one again.
I'm currently in a position in which I'm being viewed as having expertise, sharp analytical skills, and I'm a valued member of teams at work in which I participate. I've been at Pfizer for five years, and have worked hard to build up that trust. My plan was to be there at least another five to ten, before considering moving up and on. As new missionaries we will be humbled since we will be new and inexperienced. It seems a little crazy. After all, I've finally built up some credibility some where, why leave now.
I'm not relating this in order to engender sympathy, but instead to relate to you that it is liberating to relinquish all my dreams and aspirations to God, and to wait upon His direction and provision. There are no guarantees of "success", but there is the guarantee that God is faithful, and that He has a plan and purpose for His followers.
I'm at a place now where I'm willing to simply submit and follow. The result is joy, peace, and a sense of liberty.
Adam
Showing posts with label Missions Testimony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Missions Testimony. Show all posts
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
All My Dreams - Part II
So, where was I?
Oh, yes.
My decision for God was to seek Him despite any circumstances in my life. That was a start, and the beginning of something of a test. I was going broke as a full time musician (through no fault of my fellow musicians in Sojourn or the acts that I was booking). After counsel from my pastor, I decided the best course of action was to give up music and find a full time job. My conversation with him had been about my desire to be in full time ministry. He had said that my first task was to quit full time music and get a job that could support the family. He suggested that I volunteer my time in ministry at Bethel, and perhaps I could eventually work into something full time.
It was a hard choice, but at the same time liberating. Sojourn and music had become something bitter (again, no fault or cause from my friends in Sojourn). Marge was feeling depressed and burned out from school social work, and really wanted to be home with the children. I just felt like a failure, and really wanted to bring home enough income to support the family. Marge handed in her resignation on faith that I would find a suitable job in time.
Oh, me of little faith, I was terrified that I wouldn't find anything that I liked or that would pay enough. I kept noticing this ad for tech writers. I knew I could never do that. Besides it sounded boring. In a sense that was my second sacrifice after giving up music. I applied for the job as a technical writer and was hired.
Dreams were trickling out of my hands. No music ministry or music career. No cool job at a non-profit or ad agency or anything like that. Instead, tech writer at a manufacturing plant. Punching a clock with the other drones.
On the up side, the pay was nearly equal to what my wife had been earning, and the job came with benefits. After being there for several months, I realised that I was not nearly as bored as I was convinced I was going to be, instead I was enjoying myself. In fact, I was very proud. I was working as a contractor in a major manufacturing company.
On the weekends I poured myself into ministry at Bethel, and tried not to let it interfere with work (this has been a battle my entire adult life). Maybe I was getting my dreams after all. I was finally a real man: able to support my family with a good income. A little over a year later, I was hired into Pharmacia directly and received a 30% raise, better benefits for a lower premium and more vacation time. Now I was a real adult. Maybe I could make something of myself.
In the mean time I had gotten together with the guys in Sojourn again, and we had been playing for fun. I was still struggling with sleep problems, depression and firbromyalgia, but life was good. I had a great job, was also spending about 15 hours a week on church ministry, and was gigging with Sojourn. Then Saturday 19-January-2002 I noticed that the typical aches and pains of fibromyalgia were different and worse. I was coming down with the flu. I had been having treatments for allergies and getting a respiratory infection wasn't rare. So I went to bed. My temperature kept elevating, and by the following Monday morning was at 103. Marge took me to the hospital, and a chest x-ray revealed pneumonia that blocked an entire 1/2 of my right lung. I was admitted to the hospital that day and by the evening my temperature shot up to 105. It stayed around 105 for about 24 hours (or at least that's what I remember).
Maybe not the best place to stop, but I have some other things to do. To think I was originally just going to write about Sunday services at Dean Newells church.
Stay tuned for part III.
Adam
Oh, yes.
My decision for God was to seek Him despite any circumstances in my life. That was a start, and the beginning of something of a test. I was going broke as a full time musician (through no fault of my fellow musicians in Sojourn or the acts that I was booking). After counsel from my pastor, I decided the best course of action was to give up music and find a full time job. My conversation with him had been about my desire to be in full time ministry. He had said that my first task was to quit full time music and get a job that could support the family. He suggested that I volunteer my time in ministry at Bethel, and perhaps I could eventually work into something full time.
It was a hard choice, but at the same time liberating. Sojourn and music had become something bitter (again, no fault or cause from my friends in Sojourn). Marge was feeling depressed and burned out from school social work, and really wanted to be home with the children. I just felt like a failure, and really wanted to bring home enough income to support the family. Marge handed in her resignation on faith that I would find a suitable job in time.
Oh, me of little faith, I was terrified that I wouldn't find anything that I liked or that would pay enough. I kept noticing this ad for tech writers. I knew I could never do that. Besides it sounded boring. In a sense that was my second sacrifice after giving up music. I applied for the job as a technical writer and was hired.
Dreams were trickling out of my hands. No music ministry or music career. No cool job at a non-profit or ad agency or anything like that. Instead, tech writer at a manufacturing plant. Punching a clock with the other drones.
On the up side, the pay was nearly equal to what my wife had been earning, and the job came with benefits. After being there for several months, I realised that I was not nearly as bored as I was convinced I was going to be, instead I was enjoying myself. In fact, I was very proud. I was working as a contractor in a major manufacturing company.
On the weekends I poured myself into ministry at Bethel, and tried not to let it interfere with work (this has been a battle my entire adult life). Maybe I was getting my dreams after all. I was finally a real man: able to support my family with a good income. A little over a year later, I was hired into Pharmacia directly and received a 30% raise, better benefits for a lower premium and more vacation time. Now I was a real adult. Maybe I could make something of myself.
In the mean time I had gotten together with the guys in Sojourn again, and we had been playing for fun. I was still struggling with sleep problems, depression and firbromyalgia, but life was good. I had a great job, was also spending about 15 hours a week on church ministry, and was gigging with Sojourn. Then Saturday 19-January-2002 I noticed that the typical aches and pains of fibromyalgia were different and worse. I was coming down with the flu. I had been having treatments for allergies and getting a respiratory infection wasn't rare. So I went to bed. My temperature kept elevating, and by the following Monday morning was at 103. Marge took me to the hospital, and a chest x-ray revealed pneumonia that blocked an entire 1/2 of my right lung. I was admitted to the hospital that day and by the evening my temperature shot up to 105. It stayed around 105 for about 24 hours (or at least that's what I remember).
Maybe not the best place to stop, but I have some other things to do. To think I was originally just going to write about Sunday services at Dean Newells church.
Stay tuned for part III.
Adam
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Frog in My Throat
All week co-workers have been leaving work or staying home because they have contracted the "crud". When I was a boy, my mom used to call it a bug. I've been changing my diet and excercising more in order to build up strength and endurance, but I guesse no one can escape the bug forever (that puts an odd picture in my mind).
Today is also the first time since Sojourn went on hiatus that I have been scheduled to sing anywhere outside my home church. This morning I'm singing at Newberg Norton Bible Church. Just one song and my testimony. Marge and I aren't raising missions support yet, but I wanted to start getting used to going out to churches by myself. There are churches where Sojourn or I am known that I want to go to just to say, hi and share my passion for missions.
Anyway, I'm glad that the acompaniment CD has three keys (high, medium, and low). This crud has busted me down to the medium key.
Adam
Today is also the first time since Sojourn went on hiatus that I have been scheduled to sing anywhere outside my home church. This morning I'm singing at Newberg Norton Bible Church. Just one song and my testimony. Marge and I aren't raising missions support yet, but I wanted to start getting used to going out to churches by myself. There are churches where Sojourn or I am known that I want to go to just to say, hi and share my passion for missions.
Anyway, I'm glad that the acompaniment CD has three keys (high, medium, and low). This crud has busted me down to the medium key.
Adam
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