Mission Failure

I took a four day weekend this week (as well as last) in order to do repairs and painting in preparation for putting our house up for sale. I painted for several hours and then took a morning coffee break.

Sitting on the front porch steps, petting the neighborhood cat and drinking my coffee, I thought about the home meth lab that caught fire several nights ago, and I thought about all the different people that pass in front my house using Bank street as a short cut for various neighborhoods. I still have a desire for these people and a passion for lost souls in Kalamazoo, specifically these urban neighborhoods.

As I thought about that, I considered the "failure" of that mission. My failure to not only see appreciable results in the last six years, but my failure to follow through on the work. I can tell you why. For one thing, it was too much for one person to pursue, and I was hard pressed to locate others to join in my passion.

Did I spend enough time trying to build and maintain a team? Initially, no. As time has progressed I have more and more adopted a style of training and building teams, but frankly, by that point, I was tired. I poured so much time into a few street kids that I exhausted myself. I would have been better served to build a team to reach street kids and develop multiple people within Bethel to support those kids.

I'm so much a doer, a man of action, that it was my down fall. Frankly, if I had been "successful", it might have been disastrous. I would have more energetically pursued the same course. The one-man-show would have proved the best way. Instead, by way of failure, I proved to myself, that a ministry leader needs to be an organizer and mentor of ministry doers. Also, the ministry leader must, as soon as possible, mentor new leadership to take over and replace the one who started the ministry.

In that sense, to say that we are preparing for missions is inaccurate, since for 5+ years I and my family worked to reach our street and to reach disadvantaged children in another urban area. I spent a lot of time, creativity, and energy, and my family joined in or dealt with my absence.

It's more accurate to say that, at least in my personal case, that on my own, I was a failure as a "tent maker" missionary, and a failure as a "home" missionary. Tent Makers go to a country, work a job and engage ministry on the side. Home missionaries are from the U.S. and minister in the U.S. I had no mission board or country/regional coordinator to monitor my progress, and no one else who had done what I was trying to do. I blew it.

It makes me sad to walk away from this town, as I have not achieved my objective. I don't know if I achieved God's objective, but I have a suspicion that I did.

Adam