Passports Have Arrived - Updates at Bethel

Thankyou all who have been praying with us.

We have been working with Fred Upton's office and they gave us a call on Friday night that our passports were in the FedEx truck. Saturday before noon, we received them. We're so thankful for how God provides. We were nervous that they might not come in time, but we also had a sense of assurance that if God wants in the Czech Republic,He will provide for our needs.

With my passport in my hand, I started to feel really nervous. Now this is real. We are really going. I'll make every effort to make daily posts to this blog during our trip, and to post pictures whenever possible. Our prayer is that God's Holy Spirit will guide us and those with whom we visit, and will give us clear direction on is the Czech is where he wants us to serve.

Today, had the opportunity to speak briefly at our home church, Bethel Baptist, during our morning worship service. Also sang the song, In Christ Alone (the one Michael English sang, not the contemporary chorus - although that one is really good too). As we got up to speak, we took a picture of the congregation so that we can show our Christian brothers and sisters in Czech what our home church family looks like.

It's a bitter sweet experience. As I looked out at the audience, I saw faces of people that I've known for the last fifteen years, and many new faces as well. If God wills, we will be in another country in about two years. That is exciting, but it also means leaving a place that is truly my home. I feel more attached to Bethel Baptist than I do my own house. Bethel has been our church family for nearly Marge and my entire marriage. During our time at Bethel our children were born, grew, came to faith in Christ, and were baptised. Marge and I have both grown so much in our faith, and I especially feel that I have come to understand what it means to be a man, and more importantly a man who follows Jesus Christ.

Our final departure may not be fore two years from now, but it's something I'm starting to think about.

One other thing. You can see by the picture above, that it isn't that fancy of a building. After 15 years there, I look at it and to me it is beautiful. It is my home.

Adam

Calm and Nervous All At Once

Still no passports. I'm currently in contact with Representative Fred Upton's office here in Kalamazoo, MI. The office manager there has escalated our passport to their congressional liaison who will get it through the system and FedExed to us.

The nail biting part is that there are people who need their passports in for this weekend, so ours is not as urgent as theirs. So as of the end of this week will not have passports. Monday is a holiday, so when I return to work on Tuesday the countdown to our trip will be 5 days.

My contact at Mr. Upton's office is Nivia Hicks. She has paid attention to our needs. She talked the issue over with us thoroughly, didn't promise miracles, but assured us that they deal with this every day. She said the same thing that one of the passport customer service reps said to me. "You might be anxious, but a week or two is a long time when it comes to passports. There's no need to worry." That's just not how I function.

I did locate the phone numbers of a number of people at the state department, but I'm quite pleased with my dealings with Ms Hicks, so I'm just going to let her do her job. I'll also follow up on this each and every day.

Oddly enough, I feel pretty calm about this most of the time. For as much pressure as this brings to bear on our lives Marge and I are pretty healthy. Also, I would expect to have increased pain from the Fibromyalgia and more pronounced symptoms of Asperger Syndrome. Quite the contrary, I feel a sense of calm that is quite remarkable.

My prayer life has grown, I've made major changes in diet, and I've started a regimen of proprioceptive/vestibular stimulating exercises that are quite helpful. Marge continues faithfully to study the word as she has always done. Above all, God is equipping us to step out and choose to exercise faith.

I thank God for his work in us and in the children.

Adam

Treasures in Heaven

A friend wrote an e-mail to us, and one of the comments was:


>>>It must give you a strange feeling to realize that your treasure really will be in Heaven even more. You will be so light and free and ready to follow God.<<<


I've been thinking about that. Selling our house & car will give us a certain sense of freedom. There will be a certain sense of loss of the familiar as well. That said, we could be short sighted and materialistic even without a house or car. When our desires and passions are fixed on God and what He values, it is easier for us to hold on to possession lightly.

Possessions must be something we utilize not something we serve regardless of how many we do or do not have.

Adam

Letters from Friends

Here is an encouraging letter:

>>> Adam and Marge,I am so excited for you! I heard about how grueling the [doctrinal oral] exam was and I am thrilled to hear you passed. I can't believe that your house will be up for sale though. That took a little of my enthusiasm away I must admit. It seems so real now. It must give you a strange feeling to realize that your treasure really will be in Heaven even more. I thought of that when I saw my neighbor's house burn down. You will be so light and free and ready to follow God. I am praying for you, and let me know how I can help with the kids specifically as the time approaches.<<<

I've been thinking about those comments. Personally, I have already begun to feel some freedom and some loss. They go together. Back when Marge and I first met she was leading a seminar on managing change. Marge used to say, "You never gain anything new without lossing something old. All change is stressful. Even goo change. You should take the time to grieve the loss, even when what you gain is better than what you had." It has felt good at my current job to get annual raises that are a result of my effort and dedication to my employer. That and the ample health insurance (including free prescription drugs), is an external motivator and source of satisfaction. I like the people with whom I work, I am helping people do their jobs, and am a driving in fundamental changes to the way IT work is done at our site. That said, my job does not have my heart nor my passions. My passions lie at church or ministry of some kind. It has always been that way. So once the newness of a job wears off, I become very very bored. Normally I stay interested in a job for about a year, and then am gone in under two. Prior to Pfizer, the longest I was in one position was three years. About half way through the three years, my job changed drastically. Pfizer is another story altogether. It draws on my analytical and creative skills, and I am valued for the way I think and communicate as much as for my education or experience. I find that energizing. I had my five year anniversary in January of this year, but it hasn't been exactly like five years. I've been on site for a little over six years. I was working for a contract organization from October of 2005 to December of 2007. My first day at Pfizer (then Pharmacia) was 1-January-2002. Nearly every year that I've worked at Pfizer there has been some ongoing reorganization upheaval. So, I can't say that my job has been the same long enough for me to get so bored that I feel compelled to leave. I've only had one job that had intrinsic value to me. A job which I woke up each morning glad to go to work. That was when I was at a workshop for the developmentally disabled called Opportunity, Inc. I earned less than a quarter of what I'm earning now. None of us there were earning much. We had no health coverage to speak of or other benefits really. We felt we were part of a missions. We all felt like we had a stake in something important: something bigger than ourselves. It was energizing. If I could have supported a family doing it I would have.

What does this have to do with feeling free or morning the loss of something?

As a missionary I won't earn an income in the traditional sense. I will go do the work, while generous individuals and churches will donate to the support of my family and me. I am giving away my "right" to earn an income for the privilege of full time service. There has been some grief for me. At the same time it is liberating and freeing to be in God's hands and witness that He does indeed supply all our needs.

The same is true with our house. There is a lot I don't like about that broken down old house. There are things I love about it. So, I'm willing to feel loss and grief, however small, while enjoying the new found freedom.

Adam

All My Dreams - Part III

My bought with Pneumonia was a wake up call. I had to admit that I could do paid job, ministry, Sojourn, and family at the same time. So, I started pulling out of quite a few things. I started learning how to have free time, and not to be very busy all of the time. I started spending much more time with my children so that my wife wasn't responsible for helping with their home work. We even worked it out eventually so that she gets every Wednesday evening off to just go out and do whatever she wants.

It has been a rich and fruitful blessing in my family's and my life, but it was a big sacrifice to give up my dreams of full time ministry. For a variety of reasons, we decided that dropping everything and going to seminary was a bad idea. Never one to just sit quietly and wait for something, I decided that I should pour myself into my career. I could use the tuition reimbursement and get a career related masters degree, earn as much as possible in order to get ready for retirement when I could do full time ministry.

I quit that after about a year, because while I enjoyed it, I felt dishonest the whole time I was doing it. I eventually had to admit, that my heart was not in the pharmaceutical industry or any other industry. What I really wanted to do was to serve in ministry with my life. Not just a couple of hours per week.

I wish I could say that I came to a place of quiet waiting in which I was happy to wait for God's perfect timing. God is tempering my action orientation with patience and greater forthought, but I have a long way to go. I had a lot of frustration. The difference for me at this point in life was that I was submitting to God. I remember when I used to be so angry that God wasn't giving me what I thought I was supposed to have or sending me where I thought He wanted me to go. About three years ago, I was finally at the place that I could honestly say, "God, I want to be what you want me to be. I'll go anywhere, do anything, be anything, give up anything. I'll even stay right where I am, and keep doing what I'm doing as long as you want me to."

That was a hard concession to make to the Lord, but I meant it when I said it. In fact, that is how I see God's special calling on my life: sacrifice. Philippians 2:6&7 talks about Christ being willing to "make himself nothing" in order to be born as a baby. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice when He willingly went to the cross, becoming sin for me so that I could be credited with His righteousness.

Even so, His sacrifice started the when he set aside His glory and great power in order to live life in human flesh. Yes, Hebrews 12:2 speaks of "the joy" set before Christ. I think that I have begun to discover this mystery. As I relinquish things, people, plans, etc to God, I open the way in my life for joy and freedom.

Think about it. Last August Sojourn performed what will likely be it's last public conert for along time. It's possible that Sojourn may never be able to regroup for a regular show. I've been in Sojourn nearly as long as I've been married. If Marge and I are so favored to be appointed as ABWE missionaries, then I am signing away my right to earn an income, get fat raises, and paid business trips. Instead, I must humble myself and be supported by fellow believers. We are putting our house up for sale, and have no guarantee if we will have the opportunity to own one again.

I'm currently in a position in which I'm being viewed as having expertise, sharp analytical skills, and I'm a valued member of teams at work in which I participate. I've been at Pfizer for five years, and have worked hard to build up that trust. My plan was to be there at least another five to ten, before considering moving up and on. As new missionaries we will be humbled since we will be new and inexperienced. It seems a little crazy. After all, I've finally built up some credibility some where, why leave now.

I'm not relating this in order to engender sympathy, but instead to relate to you that it is liberating to relinquish all my dreams and aspirations to God, and to wait upon His direction and provision. There are no guarantees of "success", but there is the guarantee that God is faithful, and that He has a plan and purpose for His followers.

I'm at a place now where I'm willing to simply submit and follow. The result is joy, peace, and a sense of liberty.

Adam

All My Dreams - Part II

So, where was I?

Oh, yes.

My decision for God was to seek Him despite any circumstances in my life. That was a start, and the beginning of something of a test. I was going broke as a full time musician (through no fault of my fellow musicians in Sojourn or the acts that I was booking). After counsel from my pastor, I decided the best course of action was to give up music and find a full time job. My conversation with him had been about my desire to be in full time ministry. He had said that my first task was to quit full time music and get a job that could support the family. He suggested that I volunteer my time in ministry at Bethel, and perhaps I could eventually work into something full time.

It was a hard choice, but at the same time liberating. Sojourn and music had become something bitter (again, no fault or cause from my friends in Sojourn). Marge was feeling depressed and burned out from school social work, and really wanted to be home with the children. I just felt like a failure, and really wanted to bring home enough income to support the family. Marge handed in her resignation on faith that I would find a suitable job in time.

Oh, me of little faith, I was terrified that I wouldn't find anything that I liked or that would pay enough. I kept noticing this ad for tech writers. I knew I could never do that. Besides it sounded boring. In a sense that was my second sacrifice after giving up music. I applied for the job as a technical writer and was hired.

Dreams were trickling out of my hands. No music ministry or music career. No cool job at a non-profit or ad agency or anything like that. Instead, tech writer at a manufacturing plant. Punching a clock with the other drones.

On the up side, the pay was nearly equal to what my wife had been earning, and the job came with benefits. After being there for several months, I realised that I was not nearly as bored as I was convinced I was going to be, instead I was enjoying myself. In fact, I was very proud. I was working as a contractor in a major manufacturing company.

On the weekends I poured myself into ministry at Bethel, and tried not to let it interfere with work (this has been a battle my entire adult life). Maybe I was getting my dreams after all. I was finally a real man: able to support my family with a good income. A little over a year later, I was hired into Pharmacia directly and received a 30% raise, better benefits for a lower premium and more vacation time. Now I was a real adult. Maybe I could make something of myself.

In the mean time I had gotten together with the guys in Sojourn again, and we had been playing for fun. I was still struggling with sleep problems, depression and firbromyalgia, but life was good. I had a great job, was also spending about 15 hours a week on church ministry, and was gigging with Sojourn. Then Saturday 19-January-2002 I noticed that the typical aches and pains of fibromyalgia were different and worse. I was coming down with the flu. I had been having treatments for allergies and getting a respiratory infection wasn't rare. So I went to bed. My temperature kept elevating, and by the following Monday morning was at 103. Marge took me to the hospital, and a chest x-ray revealed pneumonia that blocked an entire 1/2 of my right lung. I was admitted to the hospital that day and by the evening my temperature shot up to 105. It stayed around 105 for about 24 hours (or at least that's what I remember).

Maybe not the best place to stop, but I have some other things to do. To think I was originally just going to write about Sunday services at Dean Newells church.

Stay tuned for part III.

Adam

All My Dreams - Part I

This morning we were at First Baptist Church in South Haven, MI. The guitarist from Sojourn (Dean Newell) is an elder and worship leader there. I've know Dean since I was eight. Growing up in high school we talked about our dreams and desires for our lives. The perfect wife, children, Christian pop/rock music, great careers. . . Actually we talked mostly about music and girls.

Dean has been in my life as I struggled through, consistently failing, falling and coming up short.

I often speak of God taking me through a 20 year deconstructing process of disappointment, discouragement, and suffering that brought "face-to-face" (as it where) with who He is. That was about four years ago, when I believe God had me in a place where my dreams and desires had matured to the point where He wanted to bring me to a dream I had had since I was a child.

When I was a boy, my family celebrated the lives of great missionaries, and looked favorably upon preachers and pastors. The unspoken message was that the highest you could rise in a career was to be either a missionary or a pastor. Also, as a boy I grew to love being busy about the church. We loved to be there, loved to be with God's people, to worship and to participate in whatever work there was to do.

Yet, my passion for God was covered by a shallow, self centeredness. Between the ages of 18 and 38 I met with constant frustration of those shallow dreams. Sometimes I got to achieve them. In every case I came to realise that my dreams for "my" life were ultimately unfulfilling. I remember when things really started to turn around for me, I think that I was about 36 or 37 and I was sitting at home. I was suffering from chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, depression, and allergies. I was ruining myself (and my family) trying to make a living full time in music. I remember over the previous months how I had shouted at God that he needed to fix me, but nothing ever changed.

That day sitting at home by myself, I finally said to God (in essence), I have nothing. The I want has turned out. The only thing I have left is You God.

God didn't take the pain away or suddenly make me better, but that was the turning point.

I need to get to work, so I'll have to finish this tomorrow.

Adam