Here is an encouraging letter:
>>> Adam and Marge,I am so excited for you! I heard about how grueling the [doctrinal oral] exam was and I am thrilled to hear you passed. I can't believe that your house will be up for sale though. That took a little of my enthusiasm away I must admit. It seems so real now. It must give you a strange feeling to realize that your treasure really will be in Heaven even more. I thought of that when I saw my neighbor's house burn down. You will be so light and free and ready to follow God. I am praying for you, and let me know how I can help with the kids specifically as the time approaches.<<<
I've been thinking about those comments. Personally, I have already begun to feel some freedom and some loss. They go together. Back when Marge and I first met she was leading a seminar on managing change. Marge used to say, "You never gain anything new without lossing something old. All change is stressful. Even goo change. You should take the time to grieve the loss, even when what you gain is better than what you had." It has felt good at my current job to get annual raises that are a result of my effort and dedication to my employer. That and the ample health insurance (including free prescription drugs), is an external motivator and source of satisfaction. I like the people with whom I work, I am helping people do their jobs, and am a driving in fundamental changes to the way IT work is done at our site. That said, my job does not have my heart nor my passions. My passions lie at church or ministry of some kind. It has always been that way. So once the newness of a job wears off, I become very very bored. Normally I stay interested in a job for about a year, and then am gone in under two. Prior to Pfizer, the longest I was in one position was three years. About half way through the three years, my job changed drastically. Pfizer is another story altogether. It draws on my analytical and creative skills, and I am valued for the way I think and communicate as much as for my education or experience. I find that energizing. I had my five year anniversary in January of this year, but it hasn't been exactly like five years. I've been on site for a little over six years. I was working for a contract organization from October of 2005 to December of 2007. My first day at Pfizer (then Pharmacia) was 1-January-2002. Nearly every year that I've worked at Pfizer there has been some ongoing reorganization upheaval. So, I can't say that my job has been the same long enough for me to get so bored that I feel compelled to leave. I've only had one job that had intrinsic value to me. A job which I woke up each morning glad to go to work. That was when I was at a workshop for the developmentally disabled called Opportunity, Inc. I earned less than a quarter of what I'm earning now. None of us there were earning much. We had no health coverage to speak of or other benefits really. We felt we were part of a missions. We all felt like we had a stake in something important: something bigger than ourselves. It was energizing. If I could have supported a family doing it I would have.
What does this have to do with feeling free or morning the loss of something?
As a missionary I won't earn an income in the traditional sense. I will go do the work, while generous individuals and churches will donate to the support of my family and me. I am giving away my "right" to earn an income for the privilege of full time service. There has been some grief for me. At the same time it is liberating and freeing to be in God's hands and witness that He does indeed supply all our needs.
The same is true with our house. There is a lot I don't like about that broken down old house. There are things I love about it. So, I'm willing to feel loss and grief, however small, while enjoying the new found freedom.
Adam
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